LIFE...

I am so sorry I haven't written lately. My world has been crazy and non-stop. Since my last post, I have lost my precious Grandma, been unsuccessful in getting a classroom teaching job, and decided to start new.

First of all, my Grandma... She died at the end of August. I had driven to Dallas with Greg to see her just one week before. I knew that as I sat at the end of her bed and she held my hand that she was telling me goodbye. She looked at me lovingly and told me to always put God first and my husband second. She said that behind God, Greg is my number one priority. She told Greg to always love me and she told me to always respect him. She blessed our marriage and told us she would always love us. I keep flashing back to this image of her looking at her staring at me with a blank look on her face because she was so confused... but then I smiled at her with a big smile and told her that she was SO BEAUTIFUL. She said "Who me?" and I said YES YOU! Even though she didn't have any makeup and her wig wasn't on and her skin was yellowing... I can truly say I have never seen anything more beautiful than a lifetime of wrinkles, her beautiful sugar-white hair, and her sweet little smile. I made sure that I told her I loved her and hugged and kissed her twice. As soon as I walked out of that door I started to cry. I knew that was it... and sure enough one week later, I gathered with friends and family from all over the country to honor my beautiful, God-fearing, wonderful, funny, and gentle Grandma. She will always hold a very special place in my heart... I am coonstantly dealing with the grieving process. Every day it becomes more real that she is gone and I miss her more than ever... but I know we will meet again.

Also, as many of you know, I have been searching for a teaching job. I searched until the very last moment, and I was not hired after many many interviews. I was hired as an aide at one school. I am currently working there and I have ended up getting to work with kindergarten literacy and I pull out the low performing children 3 at a time.. .so I have 24 kids. Even though the pay is not great, I love my job. It is funny how I was not successful in what I wanted, but I have found true joy in where GOD wanted me.. I honestly spent way too much time worrying.. God has taken good care of me.. and for thatm I am thankful.

Lastly, I have recently made the decision to try to lose weight (once again). I feel very motivated to do this. I want to lose at least 60lbs. I am going to try to document my progress on here so that I can be held accountable for my actions and what I eat. I want to eat 1500 calories or less in a day and exercise at least 4 days a week (hopefully more). I proposed an idea to Greg and he said he would support me in it... I am wanting to lose my 60 lbs, and maintain it or continue to lose for 6 months after reaching my goal weight. (This will probably end up being a yr and half- 2 years if I take it slow and make it a lifestyle change) If I am successful in this venture, we are going to start to try to have our first baby. I am very excited about the idea of it, but what a reward would it be to have our first little one after I lose my weight...

So here is to a new start! A new life and new habits!

Please keep me in your prayers as I take this journey.

I love you all!

Tiffany

Prayers for my grandma and my family

My grandma has been sick all summer long. In early June she was put into the hospital with pneumonia and several other complications. Then she was moved into a nursing home for the first time. She has really struggled there. My mom and her siblings have been sharing shifts up and the nursing home and they are all exhausted. Even though they all try to be up there as much as possible, it still is not enough. They have found bruises and have also showed up way past a meal time and still no one has given her her food. It is just a constant worry to all of us.

This week, they moved my grandma back into the hospital. They found several things wrong with her, including a blood clot behind her knee. Everything that they have found plus her age equals no good. My mom called me today and told me that the doctors said that grandma would be lucky to live 6 months. They are calling in hospice. We are all very sad, but at the same time we know that she has lived a long, full life. She is truly a servant of Christ. She has been the foundation to a wonderful, God-fearing family. Without her, I would not be who I am today. When God does bring her home, she will leave a true legacy of faith in all our hearts.

Change

It is strange how one day you are a little kid and the next thing you know.. you have blinked and you are "all grown up." I still feel like I am catching up with where I am in life. I remember planning our wedding and at times it felt like time had stopped, but then out of nowhere I was walking down the aisle to meet Greg and spend the rest of my life with him.

Greg and I are currently experiencing these same feelings. We are transitioning.. we are in limbo. There are some things that I enjoy about this part of life. My relationship with God has gotten much stronger since entering this place. I know that Greg and I both have truly had to let go of our plans and cling to what God has in store for us. Many days things look uncertain and when we try to fix it ourselves.. it never works out. When we give it to God we know that He will do what He wants to do with us. What he has called us to may not always be easy, it may not always be fun, and it definately is not always convienent, but it is always the right thing. I can go to bed at night knowing that I can trust God and what he has in store for our lives.

This summer we have been working at Westview Boys' Home in Hollis, OK. This is one really great example of how God ALWAYS knows what is going on. Greg and I had really struggled with what we were going to do this summer. It was something that just seemed to weigh us down. We were clueless. Then out of the blue, Westview calls us and asks us to come work for them this summer. This was the greatest blessing of my adult life. I have grown to know and love many wonderful people out here. I am in a place where I can have a group of women who have been where I am. They can understand my hurt and my worries and they can laugh with me about all the joys we find. I have seen what a Godly wife, mother, and friend looks like through all of these wonderful ladies. I have also grown to know many wonderful men and boys. You see... Greg and I had a plan to stay in Abilene and work at bookstores, but God had a plan for us to come here, to grow, to learn, to love, to laugh, to cry, and to connect. We praise God for his wonderful plan! Even though times are uncertain and we are in limbo, we are going to give it to God. We are scared to leave this place in August. We are unsure of what we will face, but we know that God will provide what he wants in our lives. We just have to be patient and listen....

Blessings!
Tiffany and Greg